Which kind of divorce fits us?
Six yes-or-no questions, about a minute. The answer is honest: some couples should not mediate, and this says so. Nothing you answer is stored or sent anywhere.
1 of 6
Do you both want the divorce, or at least accept that it is happening?
Not “happy about it”. Just not planning to fight it.
What the answers mean
The check above is these six questions, answered in plain words. Nothing in it is legal advice; it is how we decide, on the first call, whether to take a couple on.
Which kind of divorce fits us?
Mediation fits most couples who both accept the divorce and can get through a conversation about money or the children, even a tense one. Mediation does not fit when either spouse is afraid of the other, or when one spouse refuses to take part. A business or a pension can still be mediated but needs a valuation or a separate court order (a QDRO) first.
Can we mediate if one of us is afraid of the other?
No. Mediation only works when both people can speak and agree freely. If either of you is afraid of the other, talk to a family law attorney first, and to a domestic violence advocate if you need one. The New York State domestic violence hotline is 1-800-942-6906.
Can we mediate if my spouse does not want the divorce?
Not yet. Mediation needs both of you at the table. If one spouse is not ready to accept that the marriage is ending, that is the first conversation to have; many couples come back a few months later and it works then. If your spouse refuses outright, a lawyer can start the divorce without them.
Can we mediate if we cannot talk without fighting?
Usually, yes. You do not have to get along; you have to be able to stay in the room, or on the call. The mediator runs the conversation and stops it when it stops being useful, and sessions can be run with the two of you on separate calls. If every attempt ends in a shouting match, collaborative divorce, with a lawyer each, is the next step up.
Can we mediate if one of us owns a business or has a pension?
Yes, with one extra piece. A business usually needs a valuation and a pension split needs a separate court order called a QDRO. Neither is included in the flat fee; we tell you what each costs before you commit. Everything else about the divorce follows the normal process.
Do we have to agree on everything before we start mediation?
No. You need to both accept the divorce and be able to talk. Where the children sleep and who keeps the house are what the sessions work out. Couples who already roughly agree usually finish in two to three sessions; couples who do not usually take three.